Female sexual abuse of children: 'the ultimate taboo'.

My mother sexually abused me Mother tried to own me, making me solely her possession. She kept me so isolated from other people that I never had any friends or confidants. Partly it was her way of keeping our 'secrets' safe, and partly it was her way ofmaking sure that I loved only her. She was so jealous ofmy relationships with other people. She said that she had me so she'd have someone to love her. Nothing was ever mentioned about my being loved. I was so brain-washed into feeling sorry for her that I could not have blamed her for the sexual abuse, even if I had wanted to. Using sympathy and guilt worked wonders for Mother, enabling her to manipulate me into just about anything. She told lies upon lies to make me feel sympathy for her. She's still doing it. What hurts the most about being sexually abused by your mother is the total isolation. If Mother could not love or nurture me, why did she have to keep me so isolated that I could not get love from someone else? It made me grow up believing no one loved or cared about me. I still find it difficult to believe. I don't think that all the love in this world and the next will ever be enough to fill the void ofnot having known love, caring or nurturing all those years. I feel so bad and dirty inside that I cannot fathom anyone even wanting to love me. I'm anxious, depressed, tearful, unable to eat, unable to sleep and unable to function. Mostly I stay in bed covered with several blankets, staring into space. I feel I'm nothing special. It's like I am nothing. I expect nothing; I ask for nothing. I merely accept what life dishes out good or bad.